Tidbits

- The pumpkin cheesecake siren singing in the fridge got me again.  Drat that Lauren for bringing it to work!  And now, my vocal chords that should be preparing to scream the high notes of the Brahm's Requiem are currently coated with gooky cheesecake.  Lovely.  I must drink more water before tonight.  I only had half a piece, however.  I saw the calorie and fat content of one slice on the side of the box yesterday...

- Isn't it interesting how we get sucked into certain brands/services of technology and can't switch to another one?  Example: I keep wanting to switch my email account to Gmail.  However, Yahoo wants me to pay 19.95 to forward my mail to gmail.  Nope.  Won't do it.  I don't want to switch my account...too many people already have my Yahoo account as my primary email.  Another example?  Xanga.  I've been thinking about switching my blogging platform to typepad or wordpress or blogger... something that is less "community" oriented than Xanga.  Snobby, I know.  Actually, I really like the look of those sites more.  But, I don't want anyone who reads this to not have access to my old posts (I think what I've written in the past is far more interesting than what I may write in the future).  I'll see if I can figure out some kind of technical way around that...stay tuned.

- It's finally cooled down here.  I'm thankful.  Although, there were very few typically cool October fall days to enjoy.  I'm hoping we won't skip fall altogether.  I remember November generally being cooler than what's predicted for next week.

- My schedule is starting to wear on me again.  All parts of my life have picked up...which leads me to feel a bit stretched thin...even if I'm not.

Discontent

I am not content with my life.  That does not mean that I am not happy with my life.  I love my life...being crazy busy because of concerts, running, organzing, spending time with my friends...but recently I have not felt content.  I can't point to any one thing I could change that would make me content.  That worries me.  It worries me because it shows that I am choosing to be discontent.  God calls us to be content in our circumstances, even if they are unhappy ones.  So, the fact that I am choosing to be discontent in happy circumstances is a warning sign.  I am clearly being disobedient to His command of contentment in all circumstances.

For the past few years, I've blamed my discontentment on the fact that I'm not married, and feel like I should be at this point.  I want to be married, but I'm happy being single at this point in my life.  It's fun!  I don't have that many responsibilities.  I'm not really lonely, so I am holding out for that perfect person.  Maybe he'll come along, maybe he won't.  I've had about 20 people tell me in the past year that I should try Eharmony.  So I did.  I've been on for a few days...and so far it has only reinforced the idea that I'm perhaps better off single at this point in my life.  I have to say, rejection online because of "no chemistry" when someone has never met or even emailed you is definitely a different animal than rejection in person!  I'll see the Eharmony thing through to the end of the month, at least to say I tried, but for me it feels more like work than something I'll enjoy. 

So I've eliminated not being married as a source of discontentment.  For awhile this summer, I thought it was not owning a house or condo of my own.  I had serious condo-envy towards a friend of mine, and I was determined that in a year I would own something.  Since then, I've managed to get all of my stuff out of storage and into the Home for Wayward Chorus girls.  I also watched Maureen plunk down a nice chunk of change to get tree roots out of the plumbing (even though the plumbing is on community property).  Those two things definitely made me more content in my present living situation!

So.  I'm back to the fact that my discontentment is coming from my heart.  And I hate that.  I know I am not trusting God to provide for my needs and my desires...I am trying to make myself content with circumstances.  As I said earlier, I'm not unhappy.  Things are good.  But, I want to be content.  I want Jesus to be what satisfies me.  So, until I get to the end of my discontentment, I'll keep happily plodding along, trusting Him to satisfy me, and attempting to turn away from the things I think will satisfy me, but ultimately won't.